


The next step

by FrerardCake



Series: Love [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: First Time, Frerard, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:56:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrerardCake/pseuds/FrerardCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard had to tell Frank his secret before they took the next step</p>
            </blockquote>





	The next step

Gerard was sitting quietly on a bench, his cigarette between his lips as he played with his lighter, his ear buds on as Nirvana played as loud as his iPod would let him turn it up.   
The day had been long as hell and he couldn’t wait for Frank to finally come meet him so they could head to Gerard’s place for the weekend.  
Gerard was nervous to say the least. He had been dating Frank for a while now and he knew they were going to do it for the first time tonight, Frank had texted Gerard about it and they agreed it was time and that both were ready. Frank was probably buying their supplies right now, lube and condoms were important after all.  
But Gerard was nervous about it, because he had a secret he never got to tell Frank, and that made him feel bad about it. They had moments when they were fooling around in Frank’s room and Frank wanted them to go a little further, but Gerard always said no and Frank simply nodded and they’d either go back to making out or they’d watch tv. Frank never questioned, thinking Gerard wasn’t ready yet, when the truth was that Gerard couldn’t take his clothes off and risk Frank seeing his scars.  
Gerard wasn’t ashamed of his scars, even though he still hid them all the time. He simply wondered how Frank would react to them and what he’d think about them. It was one thing to know your boyfriend had depression problems. Frank knew very well about that part of Gerard, but it was something entirely different to find out your boyfriend is a cutter. That the boy you love has not only tried to kill himself many times, but also enjoyed the pain of the cuts.  
He took a long drag off his cigarette and closed his eyes, exhaling the smoke and watching as it dissipated in the air. Still no sign of Frank and Gerard was starting to consider getting something to drink, but he knew Frank wouldn’t want to have sex with Gerard if he drank. That was Frank’s number one rule: never have sex with a drunk person. So Gerard waited.  
And his wait had been the right thing to do when he saw Frank walking up to him, a huge smile on his face as saw Gerard had noticed him. He was wearing the usual Black Flag t-shirt and his ripped jeans. His backpack was hanging on one of his shoulders and his hair was messy as usual. He always lit up Gerard’s day.  
He approached him, placing a soft kiss on Gerard’s lips and taking the cigarette from his fingers, allowing himself a long drag before sitting down and speaking.  
“How was your day?” His only reply was a shrug and Frank knew not to press too much into it “You wanna get going to your’s or you wanna stay here a little longer?”   
Gerard smiled at Frank, taking the other’s hand as he got up, pulling him into a kiss before they started walking.  
Halfway to Gerard’s house, Frank decided to speak up again. Gerard hadn’t said a word yet, so knew something was up and he had enough time to figure it was related to their plans for the weekend. Since Gerard’s parents were gone until next Sunday, they’d have not only this weekend but also the whole next weekend to some possible private time, so Frank came up with the idea. He had been ready for a long time, but he knew Gerard wasn’t so he stopped insisting weeks ago until two nights before, when Gerard had said he was ready and hadn’t changed his mind since.  
“Gee… Are you okay?” Frank asked truly concerned as he looked at the older boy.  
“Of course. Slightly nervous but yeah… I’m okay” Frank nodded and decided to talk more when they got to Gerard’s, getting the answer he needed: yes, Gerard was nervous and it was probably about that night. Frank couldn’t blame him though.  
When they got to Gerard’s and walked inside, the silence and the darkness filled the place, making Gerard smile and kiss Frank sweetly as the door closed behind them.   
They spent the afternoon watching tv, cuddled up on the couch and eventually sharing a smoke. They ordered pizza for dinner and sat on Gerard’s bed to eat. It was a little over ten but they weren’t even slightly tired.  
“Did you buy…?” Gerard asked looking at Frank, he had a smile on his face but his voice was shaky, clearly worried.   
Frank nodded and pecked the other’s lips, pressing softly and touching his face, giving him his full attention as he put the pizza back down in the box “Gee… I know you are nervous about it. I am too” He blushed, admitting this wasn’t the easiest thing for him “But I promise I’m gonna do everything right, okay? You have to promise you’ll tell me when it hurts so I can stop or change or whatever, and if you don’t want to anymore, just tell me. Doesn’t matter if right now or during it”  
Gerard’s nervous smile had dissipated slightly and he nodded, kissing Frank as he felt the care in the other’s words. Frank truly wasn’t going to screw this up, but Gerard was by telling him that secret. He felt stupid for that.  
“Thanks, Frankie… I promise I’ll tell you if anything but…” He ran his hands through his hair in that nervous fashion he always did when he was struggling with his words. Frank knew what that gesture meant, so he waited quietly until Gerard started again “I have a secret I never told you and it’s important to tell you that before we go on…” Frank frowned slightly, scared Gerard would confess him something about being abused as a child, because that would totally change things up and Frank would have to be a million times more careful about his every move, but Gerard cut him off before his thoughts went too far “And no, it’s nothing to do with sex or anything… It’s more about… My body”   
There was a long pause then when they were both clearly thinking about it the next words. Gerard was pondering his next words carefully, while Frank waited for those words, anxiety building up more and more as Gerard took longer to keep going.  
“I… I’ve been… dealing with something since I was eleven…” He sighed and closed his eyes before he kept going “I self-harm”   
As soon as the words came out, the silence from before was somehow different. Frank was in shock and for the first time at a loss of words. Gerard was waiting for him to say something and after a while, when he didn’t say anything, he looked down at the pizza and sighed “I’m sorry I—“  
“Baby…” Frank cut him off and took Gerard’s hand gently, running this thumb soothingly over the smooth pale skin “Why haven’t you told me this before?”  
Gerard sighed and looked at their hands for a moment before replying “I was afraid you’d be mad and leave me… I never took my clothes off in front of you so you wouldn’t see it but… Frankie I really wanna take the next step with you and I just couldn’t hide this from you anymore… I’m so sorry”   
“Can I see…?” Gerard nodded slowly and took off his jacket and Frank realized that in months, that was the first time he saw Gerard wearing short sleeves. He felt stupid about never even noticing, but his thoughts were soon cut short by the sight.   
Gerard’s left arm was covered in pink and purple scars and even some recent scabs. They weren’t sprawled but they sure were a lot in the same place (the inside of his arm, from the middle of the wrist up), and they were deep. Some were scary deep while others were simple “These aren’t the only ones… I have some on my biceps and my thighs too… Just so you know… And if you are grossed out by it, I completely get it and I understand if you wanna break up or something…”  
Frank shook his head slowly, his eyes were caring as he looked into Gerard’s, so deep he could almost feel as if Frank was wrapping him up in a warm blanket and cuddling him.   
“I love you, Gerard” Frank kept looking at him, getting softer and gentler with each sentence “And I can’t even imagine what kind of emotional pain you’ve been through to turn to this… But baby, I’m here for you and I will always be here for you. As much as I want to ask you to stop, I know it’s hard and I know you probably won’t, but could you at least try? If not for me, for us” He moved closer and put an arm around Gerard, half cuddling him as he free hand carefully touched the scars, a loving touch “I love you so much… I don’t want to lose you”   
Gerard thought for a moment while Frank let a few tears roll. He didn’t understand why Frank was afraid of losing him. He wasn’t trying to kill himself anymore, it was just self-harm, but then he realized he had no control over how deep he cut, and maybe understood Frank’s fear.   
“I can try…” He said slowly and uncertain, wiping one of Frank’s tears away “I’m not promising you anything… But I can try” Frank nodded and pulled Gerard closer, laying down on the bed and slowly playing with Gerard’s hair. He didn’t stop caressing the other’s wrist, almost as if he kept going for long enough, they’d disappear.

 

Both woke up the next morning tired. It was unusual for them to wake up tired when they slept together, but both figured last night had been a lot for them.  
They didn’t mention it much during breakfast, but Frank noticed how Gerard was a lot more comfortable around him. He wasn’t even wearing long sleeves anymore, just a black t-shirt without sleeves that Frank didn’t know he had as pajamas. His scars were evident as he mixed the pancake mix and as he carefully friend them, but Frank tried not to care and so did Gerard. This was new for both of them. Gerard felt free and Frank felt as if they had taken another step, a really important one: confidence and trust.  
They ate breakfast having a talk about how zombies would never be able to run nearly as fast as they do and how slow zombies were probably the reason why there would be no zombie apocalypse at all.

 

That afternoon they were making out on Gerard’s bed, they were both lying on their sides, tangled in messy sheets, hands moving around, touching each other everywhere. Soon Frank was shirtless, half on top of Gerard, one of his legs between the other’s as he moved his hips in a needy way against Gerard’s, getting a soft moan from the older one.  
They kept going like that until they were both shirtless and needy, grinding down on each other almost desperately, soft moans as gasps as they experimented something, Frank pulling Gerard’s hair and getting from him a gasp in pleasure, Gerard biting Frank’s chest hard enough to leave a mark and Frank moaning out, enjoying it more than he thought he did.  
They soon came in their pants just by the little actions and the friction between them.  
Frank fell on top of Gerard, too tired to even feel embarrassed about just coming in his pants, panting hard and with a smile, as he realized this was the first time they had done anything that intense. Sure, they had made out before and done things on top of their clothes, but they were never shirtless and never even explored like this. Frank didn’t know he liked biting that hard and he sure didn’t know Gerard liked having his hair pulled. He wondered what other things Gerard liked when he heard the other’s voice.  
“That was… Incredible” He smiled and kissed Frank’s head “I had no idea you were into biting” He chuckled slightly and Frank smiled “Neither did I” He said moving up on the bed a little and kissing Gerard sweetly, before working his own pants and boxers off to the side, cleaning himself away from Gerard’s view and hiding under the covers.   
He knew it was stupid to hide from Gerard, since soon they’d maybe be having sex, but he still felt like there was something odd about being fully naked around Gerard.  
Gerard giggled as he watched Frank getting under the covers and did the same, cleaning himself away from the other’s view and getting under the covers, blushing hard as Frank moved closer, one hand finding Gerard’s thighs and slowly caressing it in a sexual manner. It was over some of Gerard’s scars and he felt awkward at first but decide to forget that they were there and just kiss Frank as if there was no tomorrow.  
Soon they were fully hard again, neither daring to touch the other in a too daring place, making the next part awkward.  
Frank pulled back, blushing hard as Gerard opened his eyes. He gave him a quick kiss before speaking “You wanna…?”   
Gerard blushed hard and nodded “Yes… Oh God… Frankie… I need to ask… What’s gonna happen…?”  
Frank blushed harder “Well…” He reached over for his backpack, getting the lube and the condom box “First I’m gonna prep you for as long as you feel you need to. You need to be ready before I can push in”  
Gerard was blushing too and he pulled Frank in a kiss, giggling “Where did you learn all of this?”   
“I might have been to a couple special glasses for gay people about sex, STD prevention and other stuff” He smiled “All for us”   
And soon Gerard was under the covers with his legs open wide for Frank. Frank held back a moan for a second and pulled the covers off, watching Gerard’s body and taking it all in. He felt his dick throbbing and for a second completely forgot about anything else in that room.   
He let the lube fall on the bed and quickly moved to kiss Gerard’s neck, slowly trailing down to his stomach and his thighs, kissing the scars there and sucking softly on the skin of his inner thigh. He felt Gerard’s hands on his head and moaned softly, knowing he was enjoying it.  
He soon had his mouth wrapped around Gerard’s cock and he teased slowly with his tongue while reaching for the lube and getting it on his fingers, slowly pushing the first one inside Gerard.  
Gerard tightened around Frank’s finger. It felt weird and didn’t really hurt. Frank’s mouth was around his cock and he soon could feel Frank’s finger inside him slowly moving in and out. He gasped at the sensations combined and Frank pulled back from Gerard’s cock, moving up to kiss him as he kept going slowly and steady with his finger.  
They stayed like that for a while until Gerard said he was ready for a second finger. Frank made sure he had enough lube on his finger before pushing the second one in.   
Gerard squirmed a little and soon stopped tightening around Frank’s fingers. He kissed Frank softly, happy that he hadn’t started moving yet. It felt uncomfortable but also slightly painful to be stretched like that, and he was glad that Frank had done his homework about sex before they had it, he couldn’t even imagine how much it’d hurt to go straight to full on penetration.  
He gave Frank the permission to start moving again and he soon started feeling Frank’s fingers sliding in and out, never fully going out of him. He then started to scissor, and fuck, Gerard gasped, because it hurt like hell.  
“Frankie… Take it easy…” He said softly and Frank nodded, keeping the scissoring motion but stretching him less. It still hurt but not like it had. A few minutes later Frank had gone back to scissoring the way he had been before, now adding a little twist to it, making Gerard moan in pleasure.  
Frank smiled at that moan and kept going, speeding up slightly until Gerard was fully moaning and Frank knew he could push in the third finger.  
He did it and Gerard moaned. It had been a little over twenty minutes since they had started prepping and Gerard was wondering if Frank was getting any kind of pleasure from it. He felt the pain of the third finger but it was almost nothing, and Frank had stopped, giving him the time to adjust.   
“Frankie…” He gasped and Frank smiled at him, his eyes sweet as his free hand moved to Gerard’s face, pushing the hair away “Are you… Enjoying this…?”  
Frank chuckled slightly “Doesn’t matter. You need to be ready so we can enjoy together y’know” And Gerard just nodded, knowing Frank was, indeed, liking it, he wasn’t going to admit.  
A few minutes later, Frank started scissoring again. Gerard felt full and weirdly hot. His head going back as Frank moved a little too much and he flinched.  
Frank had to remind himself that he had to be patient. He had to keep it steady so he wouldn’t hurt Gerard “I’m sorry” he whispered and Gerard nodded at him.  
“Frankie… Please… Fuck me…” He gasped, his face was red and he was sweating slightly and Frank just loved the way he looked all flushed and sweaty for him. Frank had made him like that, and that simple thought made him throb.   
Frank pulled his fingers away and heard Gerard gasp. He had to remind himself to be gentle. He moved up to kiss Gerard and smiled in the kiss. He reached over for the condom and sat up on his ankles, carefully unwrapping the condom just the way he learned (no teeth. Rip the package open with your hand) and rolling it on.  
Gerard was watching him confused, propping himself up on his elbows “Why a condom, Frankie?… We are both virgins, right?” He blushed at his words, knowing that by all of that, Frank was probably not a virgin. He had never said he was.  
“Yes baby, we are both virgins” He smiled sweetly, moving between Gerard’s legs and lining up. He bit his lip as the sensation of the tip of his cock brushing up against Gerard’s ass “Just… It should be a habit, you know? Safe sex? We are a couple… It’s mostly trust, I guess…” He blushed, shrugging a little and leaning down to kiss Gerard “Are you ready?”  
Gerard smiled at Frank’s words and nodded, feeling even safer with Frank.  
He slowly started pushing in, getting just the head in at first and Frank gasped softly. Gerard moaned, the stretch of Frank’s cock being more than that of his fingers. He tried to just take it at first, but fisted the sheets and asked Frank to slow down.  
Frank stopped. He quickly opened his eyes, looking at Gerard beneath him, one of his hands going to Gerard’s face and caressing slowly and softly, kissing him sweetly “I’m sorry…”  
“It’s fine…” Gerard gasped and smiled at Frank, their foreheads resting together as they simply looked at each other.  
A few minutes later Gerard told Frank to start moving again, and he pushed the rest of the way in Gerard, letting out a soft moan as he stopped. He looked at Gerard’s face; he had his eyes closed tight, a mix of pain and pleasure. He looked so beautiful, his face twisted up, he was biting his lip to clearly holding back moans.  
He waited until Gerard’s countenance softened and he looked at Frank, his lips curling in a smile and started moving.   
Gerard’s eyes closed again at the soft thrust, he gasped softly and wrapped his arms around Frank’s neck, gripping at his back slightly and softly, feeling as the other started moving in soft slow thrusts.   
Even though he was barely moving, it hurt like hell, but Gerard tried to remain as relaxed as he could. He knew Frank wouldn’t go any faster while he wasn’t ready to, so Gerard kept laying there, his nails just barely scratching at Frank’s back as he felt the pain slowly fading, his cock getting hard again.  
He didn’t tell Frank to go faster yet. He wanted to enjoy this as much as he could, the feeling of being this close to Frank making him smile and pull him in a kiss. He decided to let Frank enjoy this a little more and told him he could go faster.  
Gerard opened his eyes as Frank started thrusting a little faster, still loving and gentle, but hotter in a way. He watched Frank’s face as he frowned slightly, concentrating on what he was doing. Gerard was pretty sure he was missing the pace once in a while but he didn’t care. It felt good anyway, and even better after Frank attached their lips, a messy kiss as they were both panting and moaning, Frank’s hand reaching down to stroke Gerard’s cock, making him realize the other was probably close already.  
Soon Frank came, his mouth falling open and moans escaping his lips, Frank sped up the movements of his hand and Gerard was soon coming all over his own stomach, moaning and panting, eyes closed as he scratched Frank’s back a little too hard.  
Frank pulled out and rolled the condom off and threw it in the trash bin before laying down by Gerard, pulling him close and kissing him, a smile on both of their lips.  
Frank took Gerard’s hand and looked at his wrist, softly kissing the scars there, making Gerard shiver “I love you so much, Gee” he whispered, giving the scars one last kiss before moving to caress Gerard’s face “I love you so much” He petted Gerard’s face and the other blushed, kissing Frank sweetly and deeply.  
“I love you too, Frankie” He smiled, cuddling.   
They laid there for a while, Gerard playing with Frank’s hair as Frank caressing Gerard’s arms and torso, the covers over them this time, keeping them warm and close.

 

They only brought themselves to leave the bed after six pm, Frank had taken a nap and Gerard decided to take a shower and tidy his room a little bit but stopped when he couldn’t move much from the pain in his ass. It was actually slightly funny to think about it.  
He laid on the bed with Frank just as he was waking up, his eyes tired but a sweet smile presenting himself as Gerard kissed him sweetly.  
“I was so amazed that I forgot to ask… Was it good?” He asked, blushing slightly, still a little worry in his voice.  
“It was amazing” Gerard smiled “It hurt, can’t lie, but it wasn’t too much, and… God it felt good”  
“Sorry I came too quick” Frank muttered “I guess I got so into it I forgot to concentrate to make it last longer…”  
“It was just right” Gerard shrugged “We’ll have a lot of time to make it longer” He giggled, getting a giggle back from Frank.  
“Let’s go get something to eat?” Frank suggested smiling sweetly and getting up. Gerard blushed a little and looked at Frank “Hmm… My ass is actually sore…”   
Gerard chuckled at his words and Frank looked sorry before laughing along “I’ll bring you something then, love”


End file.
